They tell me to write down how I feel when I get upset. ...It never turns out the way I want it to, so I get frustrated and the smallest things set me off. ..And I can't talk about it, so they tell me to write about it.
107.) I miss my best friend. She was my world. We went through so much together. Then one day it was just all taken away from us. I would do anything to get it back, but I can't. I could get in so much trouble for even breathing in her general direction. Everyone I know would take everything and more away from me. They would literally take away any form of free will I have. It kills me that they claim they love me. I know it's "for my best interest", but I feel like they don't understand. Right after things happened I didn't know what to do with myself. I almost made some terrible decisions just because I thought I had no one there for me. I have lost so much, but I know it will make sense. I just have to keep on fighting. I just wish I could have had more say in the way things turned out. Over time I pray that it will make sense. For anyone who has ever felt alone know that you aren't. So many people love you. Life is unfair, but at the end of the day everything happens for a reason. You are loved. It will be okay.
117.) my bestfriend just got asked out by this guy she really likes, and now they're boyfriend/girlfriend. i love her and i only want her to be happy, but i cant help but be jealous. it's not like i want her boyfriend,it's just that i wish someone would love me, or want to ask me out. i told her i was happy for her, and i am, just that there is still a part of me that's sad that no one wants to be with me.
And this I know from personal experience. #MeFacts - I’m so sensitive. I’m the only one that can hurt me, but I do it all the time. How? I let down my walls and over-analyze, simultaneously overestimating the capacities of everyone. It’s like me taking off my shield in a game just because I have a better gun, and I think the passersby won’t shoot at me.
Those closest to you hurt you the most. I’m sure you’ve heard this before. But you’d figure this is family or potential family right? I never thought about this being my friends, but I’ve figured out why. It’s because I expect something, and they don’t know what I expect. It’s the most simple thing in the world, but none of them get it.
How can I draw from this, the title? “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer” is a bit far fetched, and not the target I was aiming for, but something like that.
You prepare for the enemy but not what the enemy brings. You do not prepare for friends because you believe they have your best interest. I need to redefine friend, because under my current definition, I have no friends. Not a single soul.
The enemy brought me beauty, my friends brought me a new wall, and the need to use it.